roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
