When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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