Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
