Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
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