I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
