I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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