I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
