I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
