She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
