If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
