4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize