This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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