its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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