i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
