Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
