btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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