watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
