Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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