haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Your dad touched me again.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
