I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
