Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
