what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
