Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
