12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
