just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
