So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
