Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
