1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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