Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
NoShamevember. You game?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize