kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
