bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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