too bad you live with your parents still
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
