So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
