apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
