Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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