I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
