what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
