if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
