My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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