she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize