I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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