She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
