Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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