Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize