Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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