Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
There's always time for handjobs
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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