he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
