So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
