i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize