literally had 100 drinks last night.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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