I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize