it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
