im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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