Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
