woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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