if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
