I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
