it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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