You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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