how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
