my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
