hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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