If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
