so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
