He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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