I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
