Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
