Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
