Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
