first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
