There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
