The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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