His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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