I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
