I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
