Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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