Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
