i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Drunk is not a location!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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