I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
