I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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