That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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